Many people struggle with when to say goodbye to a beloved, ailing pet. Fraught with contradictions, an animal companion’s death and dying process can be very confusing. The when of saying goodbye can sometimes be difficult to recognize or accept as we notice physical and behavioral changes with our animal companions. These changes often bring a range of emotions and questions for us. Our pet may seem ready to depart one day only to bounce back with playful energy and a hearty appetite the next. You may vacillate between not wanting to end the life of an animal too soon and not wanting to cause undue suffering by waiting too long. Though each animal and human relationship is unique, there are a few consistent themes from my practice that I would like to share here.
A pet’s end-of-life process might include several vet visits, consultations with specialists, and medical tests. Many ailing animals have expressed a preference to be with their families rather than spending time in a clinic alone. Still, many have been willing to undergo extensive medical treatments to support their human companions or assist the medical staff in learning more about their ailment, especially if it is something rare. The animals I have met who are dying are aware of it and are relieved to talk about it with their loved ones. Discussing end-of-life wishes, including euthanasia, where they would like to die and who they would like to be present helps them prepare. Sharing stories, knowing they will be remembered, and that their families will be okay in their absence are topics they often bring up in a dialogue.
Anticipating the loss of a beloved animal is difficult on many levels and getting the right support is important. Remember that you are on a learning curve and that you can make clearer decisions by taking good care of yourself too. Whatever decisions need to be made, having a conversation can bring relief for both humans and animals as well as clarify next steps. Below are some “frequently asked questions” that may help you and your pet as you prepare for the inevitable passage and separation of death:
How much pain are you experiencing?
Is the pain medication working?
Is your quality of life still good?
What do you need from me?
Have I done enough?
Do you know you are ill and might be dying?
Do you know how much I love you?
How will I know when you are ready to go?
Bringing an animal into our homes is often the beginning of a blossoming and contented journey together. Saying goodbye to this wonderful kinship is the hardest part of the bargain. Engaging in a conversation about death and dying can foster more clarity and peace for humans and animals alike.